Ok so I started this blog and then just like everything else I ditched it when it got a little scary...and the really sad part is I don't even know what I was afraid of so I am back and determined to make this blog like my career and education, one of the things that i I set out to do and actually see it through.

So I started this because I am a point in my life where I am experiencing all of the consequences and rewards from the choices i've made in my life. It's not so bad it's just that I also find myself alone and perhaps destined to stay this way. There are a few things that are weighing heavily on my mind today so I guess i'll start there.

I have two children that are adopted. I made this decision and I am forced to live with it but with every passing second, minute, hour, day, week, month, and year there is a gaping hole growing in my soul that I am positive most people will never understand. Now as a result I for a short period deemed myself "unworthy" of anything that a good person should have. Now that I know this it is a hard place to climb out of. I find myself jumping in and out of wrekless relationships so much so that I know refer to myself as a "baby Kim Kardashian" I have no idea what to do about or if its a problem that can even be fixed at this point. In reality all I want is some love, stability, and a few friends to listen when I need to gripe. I am all these things for people unselfishly and whole heartedly so why is it so hard for me to find these things for myself in other people.

That is all I think that I am going to write today and I am not sure if anyone reads these but if you are thanks alot and come back I promise to get better as I get the hang of it .